Tuesday, December 29, 2009
One More Christmas
One more Christmas has come and gone without you. Two less beautiful girls to buy presents for. Two fewer Christmas dress to sew or buy. Two empty stockings that should have been full of dolls and lip gloss and treats. Two beautiful angels, still hanging on the wall with a sign reminding us that, "Angels Dwell Here". I wonder if this time of year will ever pass without just a little bit of sadness. Sadness for what might have been; what should have been. Each year the hole in my heart grows bigger. As time passes, you feel further away, and that hurts most of all. I haven't sat quietly with you for a very long time. I think I'm afraid. Afraid of how much it will hurt, how raw my feelings still are, and how difficult it will be to turn off the tears. If God counts a mother's tears, he's got several good accounts working over time for me. There is still not a day that goes by that I don't think about you two. I hope you think about me too. I hope there are Christmas dresses where you are, and parties, and treats. I hope someone put pretty curls and bows in your hair. I love you girls. I'll keep watching for you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I couldn't agree more! And the huge hole in my heart hurts aches for you, too! I think I've given up hope that this will ever get any easier, but I'm glad to have you in my life so we can talk about all this! You are such a great mother to those precious girls and I know they are with you!
ReplyDeleteHey, Suzette! Hang in there. My heart hurts for you. I'm so glad that those babies came to you. I think of your wall often with all the blessing outfits in the picture frames hanging up. I'd sure love to do that with all ours. Thanks for your good example and I hope you can feel peace. I hope your Christmas went well! Love you!
ReplyDelete